In the morning of February 8th, 2019, my husband and I, and our 22 month old daughter Evangelina, were driving to our last prenatal appointment at Gaia Midwives. I was 41 weeks and 6 days pregnant. The night before I felt a little crampy and in the morning I found myself not being able to sit comfortably in the car seat anymore. We were all alert that things might start happening any moment.

At the appointment, Amanda let us know that she would be meeting with Dale Cook after us and we might get a chance to see her ....what a surprise and a blessing to see the midwife that welcomed our first child into the world, right before the birth of our second! Amanda did a membrane sweep during the appointment and then we sat for some time where she kindly suggested to open up to the birth. We felt deep attachment to Amanda and such gratitude for her care during this journey. She was the one who answered my first phone call to Gaia Midwives, the one who announced our baby's gender and cheered with us, the one who listened to most of our baby's heart beats, and also watched our toddler girl unfold month after month. Amanda let us know that Colleen was on call that evening and would probably attend the birth. We love Colleen and we knew we’d be in good hands, but it felt bittersweet to say goodbye to Amanda...on top of that, to see Dale and hear her remembering our birth story with Eva was a true gift! I was already missing these moments. What a beautiful time in life this is. Despite all the aches and pains ( and the second pregnancy has plenty!), carrying and birthing my babies were some of the most beautiful experiences I have lived.

As we left the office my husband kindly suggested I listen to Amanda's guidance and open up spiritually to the birth. He knew what he was saying because I was afraid of the change, I felt conflicted and it was hard to imagine letting go of built up relationship and life patterns. Life in 4 seemed scary. I was crying over the relationship with my daughter and was overthinking her experience of going from being an absolutely adored single child to "sharing" her parents with another baby. I knew that I will love my second baby but I didn't know how that would be possible yet.

On the way back I was feeling heavy cramps and I laughed, telling my husband that Amanda did a really good sweep. "She must have felt I didn't mind going 43 weeks!" I said. 
We went food shopping that afternoon and picked up black and blue cohosh tincture. Also, we packed on dates and pineapple juice and were planning a dance party for when we got home... all natural ways to induce labor. So, we rushed home for our daughter's nap...but she ended up having a cat nap in the car instead. 

It was ‪3 o'clock‬ in the afternoon and I went to lay down while Matt took Eva outside to play and get some fresh air. I felt how my cramps were gradually becoming painful and closer together. This is it, my time had definitely arrived. I tried to sleep but I couldn't so I got up and went to the window to watch my husband playing with our daughter. They were having so much fun collecting branches off the ground, analyzing the bushes with frozen berries and giving hugs to the oak tree in our backyard. I was sobbing, I was going through bittersweet feelings, everything felt so real and unreal in the same time. My whole second pregnancy was a meditation over my relationship with my daughter and I tried to be as mindful as possible of every moment spent just as the " two of us". This life situation helped me let go of a lot of built up resentment and dip into the motherhood with more honesty.

I went outside to be with my precious family. I was crying but tried to hide it from my daughter so she wouldn’t feel nervous. My husband grabbed my hand and started walking me through a possible scenario of birth and of our life after it. He is always the voice of reason during the struggle seasons, his unbelievable sharpness, logic and coolness is life giving at times. We hugged and kissed and played with our precious child. We went inside after a while, to prepare dinner and straighten the house. I started alternating the blue and black cohosh tincture and we let Colleen know that things were starting to happen. She texted back to let her know when the contractions were closer together. I was feeling hungry and nauseated at the same time so I had a few spoons of rice with everybody at the dinner table then started getting things ready. My husband put one of Neil Young's albums on the turntable and we delighted in music. It was all so beautiful and perfect. We remembered the morning before our daughter was born, how we listened to David Bowie and watched a bunch of woodpeckers feasting on worms from the maple tree in front of our house. I went into the shower and had a relaxing time breathing through the contractions. After a while, I called my daughter in the shower with me and she sat on the "belly seat" for the last time as I was washing her. Following that, surprisingly, I was able to nurse through contractions and also sing a lullaby until she fell asleep. The midwives warned us that having our other young child around might inhibit the labor. I realized the full truth of it when things got more intense. I honestly couldn't see how I would have been able to fully give in with my daughter around me, she was still so young. I was happy Eva went to sleep peacefully and that I was able to tend to her until that moment.

Colleen asked me when I would feel comfortable for her to arrive. Remembering my first labor, I was thinking that I will probably give birth the next morning, but thankfully we decided she should probably come in a half an hour! It was ‪8:30‬, she came quietly into the room and asked me how I was feeling. By that time, my contractions were still manageable and I was still able to lay down, which was nice, before that, my husband and I shared loving exchanges and recognized how much more intimate and close parenthood made us feel. I asked my husband to accommodate Colleen but she was already holding a hot chocolate she prepared for herself right before arriving to our place. That felt so endearing. My husband and I and Colleen were about to share such an intimate experience together. These things are so bonding and they build relationships that stay in your heart forever.

I felt so tired already and couldn't believe I went for 17 hours with my first labor. Colleen asked where would I like to give birth. We said that our daughter was sleeping in her crib, in our common bedroom and Matt would bring out the mattress from the bed and I would have our son on the floor, in the living room. Colleen was very respectful and kind. She started preparing all that was necessary for the birth. She carefully, not to disturb our daughter's play area, arranged the contents of her work bag. By that time I couldn't lay down anymore so I went into our home office, next to the living room, to get some space and tend to the pain. I felt tired and all I could think of in those moments was that I couldn't wait to give birth and finally go to sleep. I caught myself thinking that I really forgot the intensity of labor pains. Wild, deep sounds were sprouting from my chest. I was almost howling... I really appreciated Colleen offering me space during labor, that was all I needed in those moments. I was holding on to a tall desk built by my husband and was looking outside. It was really windy out and the holly tree branches were touching the window. That tree always shed spiky leaves in front of our entrance door and I always had to sweep them away but now, the tree was bathing into the outside light, it's leaves were shiny from an earlier shower... it looked so beautiful. I was able to see my daughter's sand box outside with her colorful dinosaurs spread all over it. It felt like such a blessing to have that image in front of me during labor ... I was having my daughter's "presence" right next to me. 

The contractions were getting more and more painful and I was feeling my baby dropping. Colleen would come and check on me and say that I'm really close. I thought she was just encouraging me ... but she was right. Very soon I felt that pushing took away the pain from the contractions. I realized how much more in tune I felt with my body this time around (with my first baby the midwives had to tell me to push because I wasn't able to recognize this urge).
Colleen texted her assistant. In about 20 minutes or less, I saw a figure quickly entering through the gate in front of our house. It was Alex, Colleen's assistant. She came quietly into the room and presented herself with a kind smile and asked if I needed anything. I was so thirsty. Alex quickly brought me a glass of water mentioning how strong I am and also saying that I look beautiful. It felt nice to hear those words. It felt nice to be surrounded by such quality people.
Meanwhile my husband brought the mattress out and Colleen and Alex fixed it and made it all ready for me to lay on. I couldn't believe I was at that stage already. It was all moving so quick. I came out of the office and laid on the mattress, on my right side. Laying down felt more painful but because I was so tired it felt as a relief in the same time. Colleen and Alex were guiding me through contractions and were encouraging me to find my own position to birth. I smiled and cried in the same time: "I don't know how to place myself... In what position doesn't hurt?", but ultimately being on all fours seemed best. I was feeling lots of pressure! After some time, Colleen checked me and proposed to break my bag of water. I agreed and in a few minutes there was a crack. The water was coming out of me and I intensely felt how my son’s head was traveling down. It was burning and I almost felt like sucking my baby back in, but of course I couldn’t, so I surrendered to what was happening, and felt the beautiful support of Colleen, Alex and my husband. Colleen asked if I wanted to feel my baby's head crowning. I tried to reach my vagina but couldn't because of the big belly. We all laughed over my failed attempt. I was pushing through the contractions. At some point, Colleen suggested I just pant breathe without pushing in order to avoid tearing. I did as she suggested and few seconds later, my husband was catching Julian! One push and His head came out with a gurgling cry. My husband happily announced that our son looked just like Eva. Another long push and his whole body was out. I got up on my knees and my husband handed me our son through my legs.

My baby felt wet and warm and the sweet, fleshy smell of birth filled the whole room. It was ‪12:08 am, February 9th‬, exactly at 42 weeks of pregnancy. I held my baby and I felt love, I felt so much love and fulfillment. I was holding the most precious thing in the world, right there , in my own arms. "They are my babies, both of them, I love them so much!" I told my husband. 
Matt and I sat hugging each other and holding and admiring our baby for over an hour. After that Colleen suggested that Matt cut the cord. The cord already lost its rich, blood filled, blue color and turned pale yellow. This is it, placenta has done its job for us. A few pushes and I birthed it as well. Alex, who happens to be a doula, said that was her first time seeing a placenta being birthed naturally. She asked if we would like to see the way she's examining it. I so appreciated her respectful and thoughtful approach. We all looked in wonder at the beautiful organ that me and my baby shared during pregnancy. After all was done, Alex offered to press the placenta on a sheet of paper so we could have a memory of this tree of life (Again, such a thoughtful suggestion). During all that time, in between things, all of us were sharing personal life experiences and getting closer and closer together. Colleen and Alex went into the kitchen with my husband and helped him preserve the placenta. They cleaned up all around and Alex took pictures of our baby being measured and held in his first moments of life. Also, Alex was quick enough to take a few pictures within seconds of our sons birth. My husband and I are so grateful to have a recording of those special moments. 

Julian Giardini, 8 lbs 15 oz, 22 inches long, born on February 9th 2019, at 12:08 am. My wonderful, healthy, perfect baby boy.


P.S
I was so lucky to be in the care of Gaia Midwives with both of my pregnancies. I couldn't be more grateful to them for such quality approach. I felt cared for, nurtured, and loved. Unfortunately, my mother could not be close to me, she's far away, in a different country, and my beloved mother in law is very ill ... so I felt that the midwives were the wise and kind woman company I was craving for during this special yet vulnerable season. The first pregnancy and birth were attended by Kara Ffrench and Dale Cook and the second birth was attended by Colleen Heinze and her assistant, Alex Sullivan. The prenatal care was mostly monitored by Amanda Sini and we were also very grateful for our few meetings with Ashley Meccarriello. After sharing this beautiful experiences with them, our midwifes feel like family and my heart will always hold love for them.